This week i have been asking many questions revolving around trust, It's festered for a good 3 months or so since i had it busted out of the water the first time...i had a long conversation with Nykkee, who in all honesty is brilliant when it comes to matters of the heart, her direct and honest approach very much reminds me of Martini, but with a lot less sarcastic laughter...she questioned me on my issues regarding taking that leap of faith and just taking a chance on something...easier said than done you might say, well of course, because to be able to trust again when you have issue with it is a big thing! You don't want to be to open and push it to the back too much for fear of getting hurt, yet you don't want to come across as one of these fearful fragile types that crumbles the moment they see their man talking to another girl, or going quiet for five mins during a conversation...so there has to be a balance i guess.
I was tested to the limits this week as anyone who knows me and talks to me will already know.
You often protect yourself within a circle of good friends, they are sisters, they are supposed to watch your back and care about you, not sew the seeds of doubt into your mind whilst flashing their tits at your man while you are nodding in agreement with their sound 'advice' Back stabbers have often been the bane of my life, but only a handful of times has it been by someone i consider a 'friend'. Never saw that one coming.
But life goes on, I'm over it and while my trust there has vanished totally, i have tried to put my concentrations in figuring out how i feel about love. life and SL, in the form of my wonderful master, i have envisioned a future that i want to be different, i push the bitterness away and take notice of his words, not expecting too much, not selling myself short...just taking each day as it comes. As far as friends go? i think i will be more careful who i let into my life in future and very much more careful who i share my happiness with.
The moral to my story? LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS!
Trust
I half kinda found these interesting hinters ...added my own shit in and hopefully someone somewhere will read them and put someone at ease who is having a few teething issues around this subject.
1) NEVER LIE
2) SAY HOW YOU FEEL
Its really hard to be trusting of a person who seems cold and you never know what they are thinking, how they are feeling. Try and be open, especially to those you love.
3) DON'T GOSSIP
Don't talk about peoples shit, if people tell you things in confidence, that's where it needs to be kept. If you are blabbing everyone else's business, why would i trust you at all with mine? Gossip is unhealthy and bad for the soul, avoid it, its nasty.
5) NEVER BREAK A PROMISE
This may seem a bit general, but to be clear...no matter how small the promise is, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you, keep it to the very best of your ability, it enables people to be able to put their faith in you with the bigger things, like their heart.
6) BE CONSISTENT IN YOUR BEHAVIOUR
This relates to your reliability and predictability. It also determines your ability and good judgement in handling situations. Display loyalty. This refers to your ability to protect others, to be on same side, in their presence but most importantly in their absence.
7) HAVE STRONG MORALS
This is particularly important in relationships. The other must feel confident that you will not falter or show betrayal in any form, when away from the other. People must not doubt your ability to be true or dedicated.
8) REMAIN IMPARTIAL
How many times have you been bombarded with two sides of an argument until your head is dizzy and you don't know which way to turn...well simple answer is don't take sides, or maybe not until you know the hard facts. It's far better to be the voice of reason rather than one of the screaming voices on one side or the other. In relationships try and be supportive as you can without seeming as though you don't care, the sooner people realise you won't change your ways of thinking, the quicker they will accept and trust you.
9) BE HONEST ABOUT HAVING SECRETS
Often we have things that we may not want to share with others, things we have been told or personal circumstances, it may be apparent that we are not willing to discuss these matters with those close to us, it's best to be upfront about these things without feeling forced to give up your personal thoughts just be deemed as trustworthy. Everyone has the right to privacy but maybe in some situations you can still come across trustworthy while maintaining your personal boundaries.
Example : 'Yes i have had some issues with my ex, i'd rather not talk about it right now, but its nothing for you to worry about...'
This enables the right amount of peace of mind while also teaching patience and respect.
9) DO WHAT YOU SAY
Possibly the most important step to building a foundation of trust is to do what you say you will do. At least try doing it. Even if it is a small thing, canceling or failing to follow through will create hairline fractures in your trustworthiness. Enough of those, and the foundation will crumble.
10) DON'T HOLD BACK DETAILS
It's important to be open and honest will all details of a situation, holding back on certain details may lead to contradictions in your story and you may be perceived as a liar. Even if you think you are doing the right thing by holding back information, ultimately its best to always just tell things exactly as they are to avoid future complications.
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