Raindrops. and how did you become so cynical?
Well witches generally are...think The Wizard of Oz...
*laughs impishly* So you know then...
Know what? *Gives you that look*
Well baby...we all have our evils... Indeed we do (Long pause) I'm not sorry you know...for anything...can you understand that?
Of course. Does it matter?...
Honestly? *Nods* Brutally honest
No. You never change do you...
(Pause, sounds of a door opening in the background and a female voice, low mutters)
I guess i don't... some things you can't change, some people you can't make be decent. You mean me?
Maybe. I'm sorry...
I thought you weren't sorry
You trembled like you'd seen a ghost And I gave in I lack the things you need the most, you said where have you been You wasted all that sweetness to run and hide I wonder why I remind you of the days you poured your heart into But you never tried I've fallen from grace Took a blow to my face I've loved and I've lost I've loved and I've lost
Explosions...on the day you wake up Needing somebody and you've learned It's okay to be afraid But it will never be the same It will never be the same
You left my soul bleeding in the dark So you could be king The rules you set are still untold to me and I lost my faith in everything The nights you could cope, your intentions were gold But the mountains will shake I need to know I can still make
Explosions...on the day you wake up Needing somebody and you've learned It's okay to be afraid But it will never be the same
And as the floods move in And your body starts to sink I was the last thing on your mind I know you better than you think Cause it's simple darling, I gave you a warning Now everything you own is falling from the sky in pieces So watch them fall with you, in slow motion I pray that you will find peace of mind And I'll find you another time I'll love you, another time
Have you ever seen the movie "Open Your Eyes"? i watched this movie recently and it was one of the most thought provoking films i've seen in a while, it was beautiful and decadent, it's storyline of romance and misery really moved me...well like most of the movies of that type it leaves you with that feeling of familiarity, something you could possibly relate to or understand...we wrap ourselves up and sniffle to sad songs and movies, we quote the lines and remember the words scene for scene and relate it to our own lost loves and tragic tales of unrequited love and fallen dreams...it's a female thing...i don't know exactly if boys do the same but i know for sure it's common.
"Open Your Eyes" to me was particularly poignant, the story goes that a spoiled playboy living the life in Paris, partying away his fathers money as the company he was awarded to look after struggles as he neglects it in favour of parties and beautiful women...he is an extraordinarily good looking guy and can basically have anything he wants...including his best friends new love interest.
Beautiful Sophia takes him by surprise and it's love at first sight, she is a dancer, beautiful, smart and funny, living a kind of 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' lifestyle, her scattered arsty apartment in a NY terrace is the scene of them falling deeply for one another...one night...no sex...one kiss and it seals them as you see him leaving the next morning and she is excited and whooping on her sofa and the guy walks to his car with the biggest smile on his face. Love...that feeling, he is feeling a buzz like no other as he gets into his car.
What happens after that is where things get interesting, life altering choices we make...we are given a set of pathways to take, we are given options in friendship and love...lust or desire. We scan and observe, but maybe for not long enough...as people we are greedy and easily satisfied...we get comfortable and contented, we get careless and even reckless with hearts and people we care about, we become blinded and sidetracked...losing pace of what is actually most important in life. SL is a messed up place for these kind of behaviors and we moan and complain when everything goes wrong and put it down to drama (the age old excuse for sticking up for yourself and calling people out)
You make choices, you take your path...
So back to the movie...the choice he makes changes his life completely ... it turns it around and everything he once knew becomes scattered to the wind and changed for the worse in a million ways...his life becomes a bad dream, a torrid reality of what 'once was' and his dreams torture him. His life becomes based on what people see...he is a freak and someone to shy away from..unknown and lost in the darkness...his personality transpires into someone filled with rage and hate for himself...and the girl, Sophia... that haunts him.
I was amazed that how easy it was for the guy to lose everything based on how he looks, at one time he had it all...and in a flash he has nothing and worst of all he lost the only girl he ever loved. There was a heartbreaking scene in the movie where he, his best friend and Sophia were coming home from a club and she can't wait to get away from him...she is frightened and confused and it results in he and his best friend having a blazing row...during the fight his best friend shouts at him "Are you going to be cut up forever over a girl you only met once??!" and you see the sorrow in his eyes as he looks at him blankly... This was a girl he fell in love with...and it was belittled ...made insignificant.
We judge people on what we see before our eyes, we often act selfish and can't see the flip side of the coin when we are comfortable in our settings...and then we have the nerve to furiously defend our miscommings...to brush it off and make out like its 'not a big deal' well ...it is...
There a lovely little thing called Karma that i strongly believe in and you need to watch out for that.
Be kind to people
Make the right choices
Help others on their path and help them to make the right choices
Never belittle anothers emotions
Care if you have hurt someone
and most importantly...never ever ever think you are indispensable.
Life has a funny and mean little way of flip reversing shit.
Do you ever wish you could say something to someone and they would just sit and listen?
No judging or misconstruing ...just understanding.
Sometimes in life we walk away from things that cause us negative feelings or emotions, we become victims of our own ideals and stupid wants, our hearts ask us loudly to just take a good look at a situation with eyes wide open & get a grip But when you have those deep feelings for a person it's never that easy.
Sometimes those people who you want to see your very best qualities just seem to- not. It's difficult and frustrating, like everyone in the room loving your meal except the food critic in the corner- the one you most want to impress and notice you.
So when it's a harsh mix of these two- where do you place yourself? You, for some stupid reason, adore this person beyond any reason, they are the one that makes you get those butterflies, your heart leaping when you see their name pop up, you trip over words and everything you say seems foolish to you and everything they say seems to make perfect sense...you want their time, you want their affection and over all you want them to feel the same way. This one person who brings you so much happiness and makes you feel light and like SL isn't the grim place you thought it was.
What if this person is toxic to you? a game player and a deeply insecure person who gets some kind of kick out of making people unhappy and frustrated? twisting each of your words and making you feel less than on an almost daily basis. Those people are out there.
But the hardest part over all is when that person in your eyes is so amazingly wonderful and the day you walk away is just one long sentence of thinking about them every...single...day.
When i look back over the past year i can honestly say..."What a ride"
Last summer i was in a place that i never imagined being without- those sunny, hazy days that seemed to seep into my soul and fill me with happiness and exuberance ... feeling alive is not an easy thing to feel to the point where you can honestly say "This is what all the waiting has been for" Of course things do change, people change...move on and life just has that way of pushing you along at full speed as you grab out with both hands trying to hook your fingers into something- dragging your fingernails across the memories as they fly past you and fade into the distance- your flesh feels hot to the touch as you try to hold on...but life moves on. everything you once thought you knew just become lost dreams.
We smile and each experience begins to make us stronger. We are tried and tested to our limits as we try to understand and make excuses...and once you are putting one foot in front of another...counting the steps and heading into a sunset that isn't familiar to you do you realise and know- that you have once again learned a lesson...and as you carry on into the unknown- it becomes more clear and only then can you begin to hold your head up and smile.
Anything could happen.
The above! yes! time has moved on and so much has happened since i last updated this blog...i want to carry on now, less of the fashion and more about my experiences within Second Life. A good friend of mine recently sent me a link to her cute little blog and it sparked something in me. I had cleared my profile, which at the moment still remains blank until i re-do it...why? well it was holding colossal amounts of bad blood and energy...sometimes a person needs to strip everything bare and purge, i believe its healthy.
SAY WHAT?
Yes lol...in every situation.
So where am i right now? Lola is currently going through some changes. I spent some time soul searching and i know that when the right things are meant to be they will just happen naturally We should never push or look for things, never believe that you 'deserve' to have ...like its your given right. So i made a peaceful place and threw myself into music, writing and being with people who made me feel good about myself and are positive influences on me.
I know that when one door closes- another opens- which is an amazing part of life and one of the many perks. Ive always told my friends that when they have been sad and things havn't been going to well for them and i was told that i should listen to my own advice and well- yep its true.
I'm ready to take risks and have some wild adventures again- to explore my primal side once again and be the girl i once was. I have let far too much go, lost people i care about but i was blessed enough to find them once again when i went searching for them. My sorority as Cherry calls it ha ;)
I love you guys so much- you know who you are.
Sorry this is a little slap dash- a bit too much wine haha xx
Excitement is... Brand New Mesh Hands @ SLINK <3 <3 <3 I've waited a long time for these and sent many requests to the owner to make a wonderful pair of hands as i adore the feet...and finally! 6 months later my wish comes true and it's even better than expected, with an array of different hand poses, a hud that's as easy to use as the feet, and they are so PRETTY i nearly tripped over myself rushing home to put them on...silly huh, my baby said he just doesn't see the point...but eh, what do men know...& i'm sure he will agree how cute they look :)) This outfit today is inspired by a RL outfit i recently bought so i thought id recreate it here which i often like to do...making it loosely based on my tastes in real life, although being in the UK, tights would be a must!
Whoo hoooo happiness IS new stuffs @ C8! Don't forget that 8th of each month they update their stuff and this month i had my usual drool-fest over all the lavliness!
I also hit the shops @ The Swag Fest which ends on Oct 31st.
***WARNING! RANT!*** It's been unspoken for far too long but i just want to say a big fuck-you-very-much to those from my past who screwed me over. You think by being here in my present that i am able to forgive the past? Well you are so very wrong. There are days that i forget how you left me fight my own battle with myself, you shoved me mercilessly into a corner of my existence i never wanted to lay in alone, You smirked and rubbed your hands together at your doings and inwardly laughed, thinking i was stupid and lacked in common sense when in fact i was still busy trying to figure out exactly how i allowed someone so close when in fact they did not deserve to have me in their life. You see i have this issue, i tend to see the world through rose-tinted glasses, it's a trait i picked up in highschool at the point where i was starting to realise what fucktards people really are. i blocked myself from this point of view and proceeded to only try and see the good parts of people & not the bad. That was my downfall, infact i should have been more aware, more observant, more ruthless...You seemed to grasp that trait quite well ...so why the hell couldn't i? I see you now with your perfect life, your perfect friends and your perfect little sub exsistance & in all honesty? it makes me angry that you feel you deserve that. Jealous? Hmmm...i'm beyond that, its something deeper and much darker than that, bitter? yes very...revengeful? Nope...i have the means, Oh trust me...to blow your little shit bubble out of the window...but the thing is, I am happy with my life how it is right now & i really do not want karma to interfere with that. I have friends i can rely on, i have the best friend that a girl could have, right by my side, the way a proper sister should be, i have a man who loves me & respects me despite my flaws and impections, even on my darkest days he holds my hand and lets me talk, never judges me, never shouts or belittles me, never leaves me, just like a proper man should be. My friends, my family...this time its forever & i'm not letting any of them go. Its not a love story, it's not a dream of how it should be, i never ran away from anything or anyone...they just came to me when i needed them the most. Where were YOU? Do not ever tell someone you love them if you do not mean it. Do not ever lie to the people you say you care about. You in all fairness have made me the stronger person i am today, but don't think i'm going to thank you for that or be grateful... because i remember. You made me make bad choices, you made me hurt people i loved, i made sacrifices for you & i never ever once heard you say you were 'Sorry' You took a loving, beautiful, smart and creative girl and screwed her life up into a tiny ball and threw it from the window, brushed off your hands and walked off. I hate you for that, i hate you for me not being able to take the face of that girl in my hands and tell her that everything will be okay. All i ever wanted was the word 'sorry' So yes past is past...all was over with a long time ago but i'm aware of what it took to get me where i am today, i changed my whole life, started over, made a fresh...some things that many people just take for granted...but for me it uprooted my whole SL, part of my RL too while i adapted. But i made it through the other side, and here i am.
I just want to thank my best friend Cherry Chains, once again for being everything that everyone one else never was in SL...i feel truly blessed that we met that day almost 2 years ago in 'Demonic' Even though you did think i was mean for laughing at old men slipping up on banana skins. *Raises her glass* Here's to the fucktards bitch...may they have many more days of being fake...and stuff.
Does it matter?...
